Time of my life
This is how I know I am an old fart:
- I audibly grumble when reading the newspaper. Although easy to explain in these grim times, I also catch myself harrumphing at restaurant reviews, gardening tips, and heartwarming features about children.
- I read the newspaper.
- I have three birdfeeders which bring me great joy and diversion.
- I have exhausted my supply of stories. Nina regularly stops me mid-yarn, rolls her eyes, and (with contempt) finishes the anecdote for me.
- I have a favorite pair of slippers.
- I freely offer driving directions to friends and family including tips on where to find the best deals on gas along the route.
- I had a legitimate Orbach Moment when Peter called to ask how to fire-up the propane heater I lent him. He spoke of valves, burner heads, and reverse threaded fittings. It was like watching Baby nail the jump.
- Among my many activities, I categorize a certain portion of my goings-on as Garage Time.
- In addition to a rotary nose and ear hair trimmer, I have a yardstick onto which I duct taped a disposable razor that I use to shave my back.
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| How they roll in Minnesota. |
- I have aligned myself with a particular brand of applesauce, forsaking all others.
- I have a solution for everything and am quick to tell you.
- I drove around town with Ann Marie the other night judging homeowners on the effort and creativity that they put into their Christmas light displays. Note that I phoned it in at The Kingman with just a wreath and single string of LEDs.
- In the last calendar year alone, I have been requested on three separate occasions to produce my tasty meatballs for various social functions.
- I harbor a deep seeded resentment for the specter of self-driving, electric cars. I believe there is no way the decent, clean-living people of Iowa will give up their pick-ups in favor of a crowd-based shitshow of A.I. controlled econo-boxes designed by a bunch of weak, elitist hipsters in Mountain View, CA (I went a little Red State there, sorry).
- I am unable to fully embrace, understand, or support Social Media.
And this is just the short list…
The State of The Kingman is strong: Nina is in the
home-stretch, set to graduate with a Bio-Medical Engineering degree from the
University of Iowa in May. Peter is 9-feet tall, deep into a second year of
science and engineering courses at Iowa State. Between traveling the globe and
advocating for excellence in higher education, Ann Marie still carves out time
to commiserate with me. As for myself: (What’s So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love, and Understanding
(further evidence of my Old Fart status).
